I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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