matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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