gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
