It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.