in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.