I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis