I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
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I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
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He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference