i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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