Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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