sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
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My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
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She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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