Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
