Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
