I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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