please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.