just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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