so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize