I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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