So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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