you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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