I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
