He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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