I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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