Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you had me at cake vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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