wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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