His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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