i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
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I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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