sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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