1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
