Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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