This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
