Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
