ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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