I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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