I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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