weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
