I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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