i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
