bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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