I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
