I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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