If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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