your room smells of hookers.
And success
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
