I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
