Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
