Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is Oprah even human
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
