about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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