I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
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Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
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Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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