Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
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I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
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Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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