She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We are all done wearing pants today
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
