oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
