I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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