Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
