Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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