i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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